OPINION: Vicar: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the 5 per cent threshold to witness the joining together of Hone and Kim in holy sanctimony. Marriage is an honourable institution not to be entered into lightly or . . .
Hone: Get on with it man, I've got to get this bag of cash to the bank.
Vicar: Very well. If anyone knows any lawful impediment to the . . .
Sue Bradford: Don't do it Hone!
Vicar: Who is that banging on the glass doors at the back?
Sue Bradford: Don't suck up to a German millionaire!
Kim: Release the hounds . . .
Kim: What? I said nothing. Nothing!
Vicar: All righty then. Now does the best man have the rings?
John Minto: One two three four! Giving rings I do adore!
Vicar: Yes thank you, if I could just have the . . .
John Minto: Five six seven eight! Kim and Hone on a date!
Vicar: Goodness these rings are impressive. So very big and wide.
Kim: Yes they are ultra-vast broad bands. Hah! I make a joke. You may laugh now.
Kim's Entourage: [STILTED LAUGHTER]
Vicar: Hone and Kim will now affirm their love by reciting the declarations of love they have prepared for each other.
Hone: Kim, I need you now tonight.
Kim: Hone, need you more than ever.
Hone: And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever.
Kim: And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong.
Hone and Kim: Together we can take it to the end of the line; your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.
John Minto: (All of the time!)
Kim: You know, you had me at "has own electorate".
Hone: Aw, cheers.
Vicar: Now repeat after me. "With this ring I thee wed"
Hone: With this ring I thee wed.
Kim: Select all, copy, paste.
Vicar: I now pronounce you allied strategically. You may kiss the bride.
Hone: Well, if that's what it's going to take. Minto, hold these.
John Minto: What are they?
Hone: The last vestiges of my dignity.
Kim: Not so fast, because I am not Kim Dotcom at all. I am in fact [RIPS OFF LATEX MASK]
Laila: Laila Harre! Hello boys!
All: Laila Harre?!
Hone: Kia ora to that and pucker up!
Vicar: Now let us all recite the new creed that represents these two parties joined together, a creed that combines the traditional and the technological.
All: Mana mana, beep-beep beep-beep-beep. Mana mana, beep beep-beep beep.
Hone: So where are we going on our honeymoon?
Laila: I've heard Te Tai Tokerau sounds good at this time of the election cycle. You can show me your seat, if you know what I mean.
Hone: As long as you're paying, lady, as long as you're paying.
Vicar: Go now in peace, and what convenience has joined, let no extradition treaty put asunder.
- The Press
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