The union of money and Hone

ANDREW GUNN
Last updated 12:50 31/05/2014
mana
HAPPY UNION: Mana leader Hone Harawira, Internet Party leader Laila Harre, party backer Kim Dotcom and Internet Party chief executive Vikram Kumar at the official launch of the Internet Party at The Langham Hotel in central Auckland.

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OPINION: Vicar: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the 5 per cent threshold to witness the joining together of Hone and Kim in holy sanctimony. Marriage is an honourable institution not to be entered into lightly or . . .

Hone: Get on with it man, I've got to get this bag of cash to the bank.

Vicar: Very well. If anyone knows any lawful impediment to the . . .

Sue Bradford: Don't do it Hone!

Vicar: Who is that banging on the glass doors at the back?

Sue Bradford: Don't suck up to a German millionaire!

Kim: Release the hounds . . .

Vicar: Sorry?

Kim: What? I said nothing. Nothing!

Vicar: All righty then. Now does the best man have the rings?

John Minto: One two three four! Giving rings I do adore!

Vicar: Yes thank you, if I could just have the . . .

John Minto: Five six seven eight! Kim and Hone on a date!

Vicar: Goodness these rings are impressive. So very big and wide.

Kim: Yes they are ultra-vast broad bands. Hah! I make a joke. You may laugh now.

Kim's Entourage: [STILTED LAUGHTER]

Vicar: Hone and Kim will now affirm their love by reciting the declarations of love they have prepared for each other.

Hone: Kim, I need you now tonight.

Kim: Hone, need you more than ever.

Hone: And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever.

Kim: And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong.

Hone and Kim: Together we can take it to the end of the line; your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.

John Minto: (All of the time!)

Kim: You know, you had me at "has own electorate".

Hone: Aw, cheers.

Vicar: Now repeat after me. "With this ring I thee wed"

Hone: With this ring I thee wed.

Kim: Select all, copy, paste.

Vicar: I now pronounce you allied strategically. You may kiss the bride.

Hone: Well, if that's what it's going to take. Minto, hold these.

John Minto: What are they?

Hone: The last vestiges of my dignity.

Kim: Not so fast, because I am not Kim Dotcom at all. I am in fact [RIPS OFF LATEX MASK]

Laila: Laila Harre! Hello boys!

All: Laila Harre?!

Hone: Kia ora to that and pucker up!

Vicar: Now let us all recite the new creed that represents these two parties joined together, a creed that combines the traditional and the technological.

All: Mana mana, beep-beep beep-beep-beep. Mana mana, beep beep-beep beep.

Hone: So where are we going on our honeymoon?

Laila: I've heard Te Tai Tokerau sounds good at this time of the election cycle. You can show me your seat, if you know what I mean.

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Hone: As long as you're paying, lady, as long as you're paying.

Vicar: Go now in peace, and what convenience has joined, let no extradition treaty put asunder.

- The Press

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