Time to ban the rants of men aged over 50
I have a simple answer to oppression. Stop allowing men over the age of, say 50, to air their "ideas".
It is as if the powerful, white male- dominated media construction says to them: "Welcome to the insensible half of your life; this is your time to shine."
This month alone, they've told us to stop owning cats and beware of a big gay crime wave. If women were getting their bonkers ideas published, at least we'd be even.
Garth McVicar, who has long- positioned himself as saviour of a good and decent society, now says that if we allow gay people to marry there will be an erosion of morals which will lead to more crime (including child abuse and domestic violence) and therefore an increase in prison population.
When I look at the merry parade on many court visits, I see a lot of white men. I guess they must be repressing their sexuality and desire to marry their fellow criminals. But really, I can't remember walking out of court thinking the crime rested on their sexuality. I've mainly reflected on the necessity of soap.
My ties with the criminal underbelly are not strong, but I know many homosexuals and a whole pack of lesbians and not once have they said, "Hey, fancy a drink and maybe a mugging?"
Gareth Morgan, nearing 60, piped up this week with a plan to save native birds by eradicating cats. He calls it Cats to Go. I call it Miawschwitz. Yes, Morgan has a well-meaning end game but telling 50 per cent of the population their current pet should be their last borders on, well, stupidity.
It's not as if Morgan has done nothing with his life. He's made megabucks, grown a moustache, written a book and helped less fortunate humans, so perhaps he could leave the saving of endemic birds to someone else.
Another man who managed to make a lot of money before the grey hair started leaking into the grey matter, causing some sort of chemical nuisance, is Sir Bob Jones.
Six months after our February earthquake, Jones sent his gruff old views to the media about the rebuild of Christchurch's CBD. He insisted a rebuild would be a pointless waste of time and, at no extra charge, threw in a "solution" - make it a lake. Ah, yes, how sensible, a lake. If that's not a man kicking a collective psyche before planning a fishing expedition I don't know what is.
Argh! Then they let Lindsay Perigo loose last week with his plan to stuff plums in the mouths of female broadcasters. Perhaps he meant to include men, but in writing an article saying we will need subtitles to explain what "some female journalists and newsreaders are saying" and using words like "airheads"and "ducks", I think we know who he's waggling his old white finger at. The same finger in the same article points to his speech heroes - all men.
Across the Ditch, the situation is just the same. We have 56-year-old morning television presenter David Koch, opening his titless trap about breastfeeding. Women should be "more discreet", he said. His comment was followed by inevitable debate and protests.
In fairness to the well-balanced reader, I must admit to deliberately ignoring middle-aged men with clever ideas such as Archimedes, Martin Luther King, Thomas Edison and the guy who invented tiramisu. Sometimes you have to bury the clever to expose the stupid.
Here's an idea - when old white men are talking everyone should stick their fingers in their ears.
Women! Gays! Young men! Maori! Asians! Feed your bonkers ideas to old men! They'll soon crap them out to the rest of the world.