Joe Bennett

How to blow half-a-million in one easy lesson

This is the story of a half-million-dollar remark. I don't know whether it has a moral.

I'm a 'winner' but others aren't

In August, two goons marched up the drive and slapped a sticker on my house.

The people are singing

Since a cross-dressing Bulgarian came to live under my roof, I've become used to having my underpants ironed.

Sop story misses the point

JOE BENNETT - © Fairfax NZ News

When pursued by a mob, you have a few options.

L'Oreal man: because 'he's worth it'

OPINION: Joe Bennett says council has lost sight of its purpose: to serve the people with honesty and humility.

Food police may come a'knocking

Several alarmed readers have written to alarm me.

Jean-Paul didn't get out enough

Jean-Paul Sartre was dull and wrong. This will not come as news to anyone who's sat through one of his plays.

The Crushett Cottage circus

Crushett Cottage The Valley of Doom Lyttelton Yoohoo, Mayor Parker, it's me, Bulgarian Angela, from deep among the private dicks.

Silliness Mr Democracy won't admit

Authorities hate it when anything defies their schemes and rules and protocols.

Some bite to nature's wonders

The West Coast is a picture postcard of glaciers and snowy peaks and beech forest. But sandflies bugger it up.

Cross-dressing hitman deflects council

'Stay exactly where you are," said Angela to a pair of buttocks.

Champing at the bit to bite the legs of the dark prince of etc

JOE BENNETT - © Fairfax NZ News

The difficulty, of course, as one struts the fragile crust between the molten core of the planet and the ephemeral blue of the sky, does not lie in knowing what to be angry about.

Lyttelton home 'too dangerous'

OPINION: Press columnist Joe Bennett is refusing to leave his red-stickered Lyttelton home.

Rude awakening for 'Greasy'

JOE BENNETT - © Fairfax NZ News

There had been a party in the student house. The chief party beast, known to his flatmates as Greasy, lay where he'd fallen when the booze ran out.

Scent of mall on the breeze

JOE BENNETT - © Fairfax NZ News

Heigh-ho and this is the life, high on a hill that I'm not meant to climb, smoking a smoke and absorbing the sun and awaiting a dog.

What is there to look forward to after winning the cup?

JOE BENNETT - © Fairfax NZ News

It's at times like this that I find myself thinking fondly of pethidine. I've only had pethidine the once - to ease the pain of an injury acquired playing cricket - and it was simply wonderful.

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