Joe Bennett

Finding comfort over style

Joe Bennett

OPINION: A recent weight gain has meant I've rediscovered an old flame of my youth - track pants.

Teachers, have ye made a match?

Writing

OPINION: When I taught English, no-one wanted to know what I thought about it. Now that I don't, they sometimes do.

Germany will win the World Cup

Bastian Schweinsteiger

The current Brazilian team is short on Brazilianness. Its only artist is Neymar and he's just broken his back. The rest of the team is playing earnest Protestant football.

Sweltering on the rightish path

left turn

OPINION: We'd taken a wrong turn - and a wrong turn's always the right thing to do.

A terminal case of megalomania

Train

OPINION: Travelling is difficult - exponentially more so when you're foreign. And London's Victoria Station is full of foreigners.

What? Football at the World Cup?

Fifa Football World Cup Trophy

OPINION: Welcome to the Fifa 2014 World Cup, with football being but a mere sideshow to big money.

Joe Bennett takes a wild Dyers Pass ride

Joe Bennett

OPINION: An albeit dangerous bike ride down Dyers Pass Rd made me feel like an 8-year-old again.

Devices will snitch on us

OPINION: There is now more computing power in your cellphone than there was in Apollo 11.

A toast to life's Acquisitors

cheers

OPINION: Ten years ago Kim Hill interviewed a dying historian who'd written a book. He was spending the last cancer-racked months of his life promoting it.

You win, everyone else loses

Ukraine

The game's rules are simple: Describe the prelude to a global cataclysm. If the future proves you right, you win.

Storm hit 'like flung nails'

Lyttelton's Canterbury St floodss

Earthquakes have shaken the hills and storms have lashed them. The once-firm foundations of Lyttelton now feel like fingernails dug into the hillside.

Joe Bennett gets apology over cupcake

Z

OPINION: Last week's column about a cupcake led to the petrol station's CEO calling me up to apologise.

Stick your cupcake up your petrol pump

Z Energy

OPINION: A birthday card from a petrol station wanted to thank me for being one of its "most loyal customers" - an endearing little lie.

Should we ditch towel rails?

Towel rail

A warm towel's a nice indulgence but towels dry perfectly well on a washing line and a heated towel rail is a luxury that costs the world.

Hail the sandbags

Sandbags in Christchurch

Human life may depend on water, but a human house depends on its absence. Water and soft furnishings don't mix.

Joe Bennett cannot bear to hear music

Musical notes.

I play no music at home. If music comes on the car radio I turn it off.

Heading back to class

Air New Zealand generic

OPINION: Tomorrow I'm going teaching again. Partly because I will be paid but mainly because I miss the classroom.

Missing the ballpoint pen

Fountain pen

I stopped in a country town to stretch my legs and eat a heavyweight pie. Standing in front of a junk shop window I was fingering a blob of meat and cheese from my shirt, when I caught sight of a big glass bottle and my mind flew straight to a primary school classroom.

Eco-warriors in thrilling jihad

Steve Irwin v Yushin Maru

OPINION: Young men have loved going into battle since our species evolved, but enjoy it all the more when they feel they are fighting on the side of the angels.

Joe Bennett: My friend's lonely death

Justin Bieber

OPINION: I was going to write about the arrest of Justin Bieber. But I've just learned how an old friend died.

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