OPINION: I asked myself when I was last as happy as the dog was now. And the answer was Wednesday.
OPINION: There's nothing like the shaming of the great and good to put a spring in the step.
OPINION: Should we stop pronouncing French words and phrases in regular use in English as if they were still French?
OPINION: What would a prawn think if it watched a doco about us? Or more specifically, if it tuned in to watch a rugby test? I reckon its eyes would pop out on stalks.
OPINION: Joe Bennett stubs out a habit that has lasted four decades and about 400,000 cigarettes.
OPINION: Is this the better life of which your fathers dreamed, this thin commercial noise?
Pleasure comes from beating the other bugger. But it is not enough merely to win. Someone else must lose.
OPINION: A phone call I made this week led me to believe the following took place in an Auckland corporate board room.
OPINION: Turn your back in spring, and suddenly the grass is deep enough to smother a dog. Declare war.
OPINION: We have chosen not to define postpostmodernism because we will not know it until we see it.
I am confident that I am the last person in the country to object to random breath testing.
OPINION: Imagine a plate saying Droopy. Droopy may be tubby, bald and cursed with a wilting prostate, but the plate inflates him.
OPINION: Eight in the morning and I'm skewered to the sofa by the America's Cup. Skewered with patriotism. Skewered with excitement.
OPINION: I'm sorry to have to report that there's no hope. But there isn't. You see, I've been reading a book.
OPINION: My dog owns nothing, covets nothing and he loves people indiscriminately.
OPINION: Poor Andy. He's come home from holiday and is sad. Andy lives in a cool, rich country. For his holiday he went to a hot, poor one.
OPINION: The second most boring activity I know is discussing the human condition. The most boring is listening to other people's dreams.
"Our server is currently experiencing issues," he droned. A server is incapable of experiencing anything.
OPINION: Of all the ills that beset this island nation none now matters more to us than the duty-free allowance on tobacco.
Men have to realise just how many bits there are in the body that can and will go wrong unless they take a pill to boost them. And we'll sell them the pill.