Columnists

How to blow half-a-million in one easy lesson

This is the story of a half-million-dollar remark. I don't know whether it has a moral.

Romance transforms the beast

It was one of those television moments when millions of viewers across the world exhaled a heartfelt sigh of delight.

Getting back up is the key for city

Just when you think things are getting back to normal the hand of fate and quake knocks you back down on the mat.

Day care's existence justified

Family First's day care report has to be filed under 'clutching at straws'.

What price a cultural inheritance

I'm sorry we upset the British with our antics in London on Waitangi Day. They're not used to this sort of thing.

I'm a 'winner' but many others aren't

In August, two goons marched up the drive and slapped a sticker on my house.

New alliance to reclaim Aotearoa

The ebb and flow of Maori-Pakeha relations, from guilt- ridden patronage to populist recrimination, is as old as the Waitangi Treaty.

Iwi keen but cautious on buying a slice of SOEs

I couldn't tell you how many conversations I have had over the past 20 years about Maori or iwi owning a slice of New Zealand infrastructure assets.

To be rich, have a butler and save Kirks

If only more rich people had the class of Mr Dotcom, whose habits have seized my imagination.

No time to iron knickers, revolution is here

Since a cross-dressing Bulgarian came to live under my roof, I've become used to having my underpants ironed.

Council needs choristers, not soloists

Cantabrians deserved better from the Christchurch City Council.

Life's frustrations in Christchurch move on

Recently a friend's daughter returned for the first time since the February grand mal to her rented digs in Peterborough St to salvage her belongings.

Assisting the council for a free lunch

Lucky for us, Martin van Beynen could be just the man the Christchurch City Counil needs.

Remind me, what are they protesting about?

Our homegrown protesters have simply ended up being portrayed as a rabble.

Prostitution not just selling your body

Men are weird, and also lazy. That is why we have prostitution.

Sop story misses point of CEO's role

JOE BENNETT - © Fairfax NZ News

When pursued by a mob, you have a few options.

Religion and racism in US primary

For Americans, "one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all" is much more than a slogan.

Beach experience sullied by petrol-heads

Last year I was in the water as early as October but this year it's only in the last two weeks that I've ventured into the brine, and boy do I feel all the better for it.

Holden holidays with the VBs

The Holden doesn't get out much these days, mainly because it needs its own petrol tanker toddling on behind so it can be refuelled between service stations.

Water safety campaign is missing

I have been absolutely flabbergasted by the number of drownings reported this summer.

A life not to be celebrated

So Blanket Man is dead. I see the call for a sculpture has begun already.

Marryatt: L'Oreal man 'cause 'he's worth it'

OPINION: Joe Bennett says council has lost sight of its purpose: to serve the people with honesty and humility.

End your holiday and speak up for the workers, Mr Shearer

Why has the Labour Party not voiced its solidarity with the Maritime Unions of New Zealand?

When Old Bucky lashes out, more souls lose nerve

Living with Old Bucky is like living in a violent relationship, not knowing if and when he'll lash out next.

Hints of hypocrisy in distaste for flashy Tamaki's real work

Why is it that a Christian-based church that has never done anything legally wrong has raised the ire and suspicion of so many?

Baby Boomers join Gen Y in drug-fuelled solace

It's not easy to be a caring, liberal person, as the landlord in my family testifies.

Food police may come a'knocking on Strawberry Hill

Several alarmed readers have written to alarm me.

Libra advert doesn't get the girls

If you have to explain why something's funny, then whatever it is you're explaining, it isn't a joke.

Revenge less sweet by incineration

Given Wanaka was this week threatened by an intense bushfire, I need to begin this column with what is commonly known as "the Billy Joel defence".

Memo to businesses: customer's always right

Should you ask questions you don't really want to know the answer to, asks Martin van Beynen.

Family crib offers taste of a more pleasant world

About 60 years ago my father inherited a crib from an uncle who had no kids of his own.

Old age hard enough without pious interference

Old people drink, and it's not orange cordial.

Jean-Paul didn't get out enough

Jean-Paul Sartre was dull and wrong. This will not come as news to anyone who's sat through one of his plays.

Why Occupy fails to move 99 per cent of Kiwis

'T he beloved community" was how Dr Martin Luther King described the American civil rights movement of the early 1960s.

Why do cab drivers get lost on ChCh streets?

Three times I have taken cabs leaving from Kilmore St and had to tell the drivers that yes, you can travel down the road all the way to Manchester St.

Tintin heralds a new era of journalism

Martin van Beynen celebrates the arrival of Tintin, as it coincides with an industry rethink on what skills its reporters need in the coming era.

Too much news for even an air cadet-turned-journalist

I had few ambitions as a child. I do know people who, from a very young age, have set their hearts on being something or someone in the distant future.

The year ahead must be better

All women become like their mothers, the great Oscar Wilde observed. Well, I've become like mine in a way I never anticipated, and which I find deeply embarrassing. I've become a weeper.

Laughs watching Crushett Cottage circus

Crushett Cottage The Valley of Doom Lyttelton Yoohoo, Mayor Parker, it's me, Bulgarian Angela, from deep among the private dicks.

Labour's turning of the page seems to be backwards

The address in reply to the speech from the throne presents the leader of the Opposition with a great opportunity.

The cats have found a bolthole - but we're still here

All Thursday night Benecio had been pestering me, wanting to get me out of bed and feed him, and he was in my face for most of the morning. I fed him once, twice, three times. I found his brush, which usually seems to calm him down, and the combing drew huge clumps of fur.