OPINION: I have just received another letter from Asteron Life, through its parent company AA, suggesting that I more than double my funeral plan because "I wouldn't like to leave my family out of pocket when I kick the bucket" (not exactly their words) and that even a modest funeral could cost up to $10,000. Why?
Here is my funeral plan - to be buried vertically in a post hole (or perhaps two post holes in my case), with the help of a post-hole digger on my own property.
I could be slipped into a cardboard tube, not as big as a cardboard cathedral tube, but bigger than lunch wrap size, popped down the hole and a nice tree planted on my head.
Now where is $10,000 in that? Any true ecologist would be happy to buy my property with a genuinely recycled body and a nice tree as a bonus.
I don't know why I didn't think of it before but I more or less had the original $3000 that could have gone in to a funeral account with my own bank rather than leaving it to the funeral industry.
And knowing now what we didn't know then one has to ask; will they pay up as they say they will, within 48 hours, or will years of haggling go by while they wring a bit more interest out of their/my investment?
I would be happy to have my send off at the free day picnic we hold once a month. Anyone can come. Just bring something to give away and a contribution to the shared lunch. All I have to do is plan to die the day before.
This way we could do away with all the trappings of an official send off and if I am allowed to choose just one piece of music it is Bad Moon Rising by CCR. That is at the picnic.
Someone can choose something more decorous (but not too decorous) for the actual interment/ planting, just in case CCR wakes me up and sets me rocking.
The Rant is a forum for Cantabrians to let off some steam about societal grievances. If you would like to submit a 350 to 400-word rant on a topic that has you hot under the collar, email email@example.com
- The Press