Take another look, it really is me - and it feels good

You would not believe how good it feels unless you have experienced what I have recently.

Let me explain why. Before shifting back to Timaru from Auckland in January 2009, I fluctuated between 130kg and 135kg. This weight is considered seriously obese by doctors and when I look at pictures of myself, I was huge and puffy around the face.

Week 19

In fact, I used my driver licence the other day and I was shocked to see how puffy my face was on the photo. I would have made the perfect marshmallow man, no need for a costume, just a few barrels of white body paint.

While I have noted changes from being 135kg a few years ago to now, when I look at my body, I still have a similar shape and I can still grab a good handful of blubber. If it was not for my clothes becoming too loose, I may not even realise how much I am losing.

On several occasions last week, many seemed genuinely surprised at how different I am looking. In fact, one friend who has been away for a few months said she found it difficult to believe it was really me because I had lost so much weight. At the gym two people said they had to take a second look to see if it was me. They too seemed genuinely surprised at my weight loss.

Clothes that once were too small are now too big and when I combine that with this recent positive reinforcement, it makes me feel pretty good.

I need to take a mental snapshot of how good I am feeling because I still have a long journey ahead of me and it is useful to reflect on positive feelings to keep going.

This journey is predominantly a mental challenge, not just a physical one, in order to keep going and endure. I have been on many diets in the past and the longest I have maintained a diet before giving into temptation and stopping was about a month. So naturally I am thrilled to have endured this long and with good results.

I owe it to preparation and being regularly focused on the end result. I have said this a few times, but it's key to my endurance. I often imagine how I would feel being slim, wearing nice clothes, the feeling of freedom physically, being able to do activities I didn't think possible.

Hormone results are back and I am surprised I have not fallen pregnant. As expected I have elevated estrogen levels, which is a female hormone and my testosterone, while not too bad, was on the low side. Overweight males tend to have lower testosterone levels and changing my eating to a healthy diet in combination with exercise will balance all my hormones in time. I have been eating well and I have noticed I am not watching chick-flicks anymore, and neither do I feel so delicate during a full moon.


It's interesting how much time I spend writing my confession. Writing about the actual indiscretion is easy, preparing the justification is the hardest. It would be advantageous for me to focus on the good rather than the odd little bit of naughtiness. See, even now, I am avoiding the subject which denotes I'm guilty of something.

Father and I needed to do breakfast on Saturday morning but before I could order a raw celery stick, a big breakfast was put in front of me. It had hash browns which to me are like a bright light to a moth. The next day I had to meet a friend at the Stables for a coffee and next minute I flew into more hash browns. Like a moth to bright light, it's natural, unconscious and unpreventable. I simply cannot be held responsible.

Every six weeks the governance of Literacy South Canterbury meets to discuss how to improve the lives of those who have a literacy need. This is followed by some of us going for a few social drinks and nibbles and of course (cough, cough) being the chairman means I have a duty to attend in a social/professional capacity.

Some good and bad to report, but let me first brag about the good. I drank only water, lots of it, and that I hope that compensates for what I ate ... which was not so good. I won't say what, maybe I will reveal it on video on The Timaru Herald website.

The Timaru Herald