Let's tango into the light after the heartbreak

19:18, Oct 03 2012

Love . . . there is no doubt that love has to be one of the most powerful emotions of all. It can be responsible for both real happiness or total misery.

Week 33

If we take a step back and consider what real happiness is, would you not agree that happiness can be enhanced when you love someone, especially if you found your "soulmate"? Someone you share everything with, including times of rejoicing, sadness, sickness, and times of adventures? On the other hand, when you lose that love, your world can crash around you and I think it's one of life's tragedies when someone loses a spouse, especially after many years of being together.

In some ways, losing love motivated me to start this journey. Potentially I could have gone into a dark place, a downward spiral of negative thinking, binge eating and giving up. Fortunately, my head was screwed on enough and I managed to lift myself up and I chose to set goals and not allow myself to be a victim of heartbreak. After all, you have to be happy within yourself and not reliant on anyone else or a partner to make you happy.

With that said, that loss has at times derailed me and in ways that seem unfathomable and impossible to deal with. Heartbreak has got to be the most damaging of all emotions and feels incurable. It doesn't matter where you are in life, succeeding or not, if you lose someone you love no amount of thinking will rid you of the gut-wrenching pain it can cause. I guess that's why they say "only time can heal a broken heart".

Distracting myself offers some relief, but fundamentally I ache all over and feel like I have ground to a halt over the last wee while. I have lost focus and motivation and I must acknowledge the situation and act now to ensure progress. I will fail if I stand still, I either go forward or backwards.


I was feeling apprehensive about sharing this, but my journey is public, we all have struggles and this is something I have had to deal with for a while.

I have been applying principles of positive thinking and getting myself back on track. Meditating on my desired life's outcomes and rewriting my goals on to an A4 sheet that's laminated and ensuring I read it every morning has helped realign my focus. This is critical because reading your goals every morning puts them at the forefront of your mind and helps you to achieve ambitions faster.

We know exercise is important for physical and mental health, but did you know it can reduce stress hormones such as cortisol and increases endorphins. Although several "feel good" hormones are released during exercise, endorphins are known to improve overall mood and help towards overcoming depression.

Exercise is a sore topic right now, in fact, I haven't even replied to texts from Justin at Performance Training because I feel guilty for not going. Clearly I need to pick this back up and now the weather is warming up I have no excuse.

Learning tango with Cath Gilson has been a lot of fun. I'm keen to master the art of dancing, it's a friendly community and already I am making new connections. The world of tango means regular functions both in and out of Timaru and fancy dress-up. I was discussing the above subject with Cath as we were driving to Christchurch to attend a tango function; she said that happiness or sadness is a choice. Happiness ultimately is a state of mind. We can chose to feel sad or happy.

So where to now . . . I need to get back to basics, review what I have learnt.

What I do know is that healthy eating and regular exercise are two key components. Enhancing my life in other areas including learning new things like dancing and hobbies will help.

Developing a concern and desire to help others is a great way to divert inward thinking.

Putting others first can distract from the now, a well-known Bible proverb said "there is more joy in giving than there is in receiving".

This is very true.

On my video, I show myself applying some of the above.

The Timaru Herald