The Burrows Report
You can't beat the Brits for pub names
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
You've got to hand it to the British, they're certainly different. Who else could have invented morris dancing, let alone persevered with it for about 500 years?
Left deflated by a cunning coverup
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life - and believe me the incident faced plenty of competition over the years in my red-face department.
Opt for common sense, vote Dipstick!
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this a party political broadcast on behalf of the Dipstick party. You may be wondering about our acronym.
The Burrows Report
© Fairfax NZ News
Coronation St's time slot change with MasterChef has left fans with a sour taste.
After Zambia, NZ's polling colourless
Zambia has just elected a new president in an election that, by African standards, has gone remarkably peacefully.
When is a quarry not a dirty great hole?
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
How refreshing it was to read last week that an Environment Court judge had taken a lawyer to task for being too wordy in her description of a quarry.
Commentators way too cool for Timaru
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
No-one seems to know how long it will be before the Crusaders' AMI Stadium will again be ready for rugby action.
Car-diovascular motoring memories
DEREK BURROWS
How appropriate that as I write this, on what is All British Vehicle Day in Timaru, the weather is as British as you could get it – cold, gloomy and raining.
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Life goes on after the end of the world
DEREK BURROWS
It's Sunday morning, the time I usually write my weekly column, and surprise, surprise – the world hasn't ended.
It's the end of the world as we know it
DEREK BURROWS
It is with some fear and trembling that I write this column. I want to make a decent job of it because, if some sources are to be believed, this could be my last.
No mourning for this mass murderer
Irish author Brendan Behan once wrote: "There's no such thing as bad publicity – except your own obituary."
As holidays go, NZ's well down the table
DEREK BURROWS
Well, I expect you'll all be back at work now, fully refreshed from your break over Easter and Anzac Day.
As holidays go, NZ's well down the table
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
Well, I expect you'll all be back at work now, fully refreshed from your break over Easter and Anzac Day.
Peering behind the rituals of Easter
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
It's coming up for Easter at the weekend. You must have noticed because Easter eggs and hot cross buns have been on supermarket shelves ever since the Boxing Day sales ended.
Blessed relief at not winning Lotto
It was an epidemic that spread rapidly throughout New Zealand. The first outbreak was visible a couple of weeks ago but the plague spread rapidly, growing in intensity, and by last Saturday it had reached fever pitch.
Daring odyssey to a notorious landmark
THERE are gales on roughly half the days in the year and turbulent seas on many more a voyage round Cape Horn sounds like just the place for a holiday cruise, doesn't it?
Doing the time warp in friendly Cuba
Time travel has been a concept that has always fascinated me.
Plucky team deserved Halberg trophy
DEREK BURROWS
Oh dear me, what a fuss.
Should 'celebrity' mean suppression?
So now we know the name of the 46-year-old "celebrity" who was granted name suppression after being charged with disorderly behaviour in Auckland.
Squire Burrows' jinxed country jaunt
I really don't know why women make all this fuss about losing weight - it's amazingly easy.
Falling wickets put forecast to the test
I had double reason to be delighted with England's crushing victory over Australia in the just- completed Ashes series.
Beware a bach with cream carpet
An inauspicious start - that's the only way to describe the beginning of our few days of family holiday in Akaroa over New Year.
More bleak news before the big night
Amid all the doom and gloom that has dampened the festive spirit in New Zealand this year comes further bleak news that will surely make this the most sombre Christmas on record.
People-watching - a terminal pastime
Airports - you either love 'em or loathe 'em.
Shed would make any hoarder proud
During the last couple of days I've had to face up to an aspect of my character that I hadn't previously recognised - I'm a bit of a hoarder.
Haka cruelly overlooked by Unesco
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
It sounds like mass murder at a cats' home coupled with the wailings from a doctor's waiting room after an outbreak of dysentery – the Albanian polyphonic drone is an unlikely addition to the latest Unesco list of invaluable items of cultural value to humanity.
I don't believe this television silliness
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
Forgive me if I have a Victor Meldrew moment but I'm afraid to say that sometimes TV One brings out the very worst in me.
Death of the flea in the ear approach
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
So Amethyst Staladi's mother is upset because one of the 14-year-old's teachers at Wellington's Newlands College told the student she "looked like a slut" for having her skirt hitched up too high.
Monday misery defies study's findings
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
It's Monday morning and I'm not feeling too happy.
Old Blighty's breathtaking turnaround
DEREK BURROWS - © Fairfax NZ News
I should have known it wasn't safe to leave them to look after themselves.
