Eat my dust

BY JULIE JACOBSON

You know you're in for one hell of a ride when, five minutes after picking you up, your tour guide launches into a diatribe on the sins of man. Real estate agents ("all liars"), the wine industry ("the biggest man-made eco disaster in South Australia"), property developers, academics ("they're a bloody joke"), all get a tongue-lashing.

Welcome to Harry Nanya Tours - half history lesson, half harangue. It's not Harry who's giving us the rundown of wrongs, but Graeme Clarke, bus driver/archaeologist/historian/caterer/ raconteur. Harry's a long-dead (1895) relative, Clarke explains as he slams the accelerator to the floor. "I am not a living corpse!"

We're on our way to Mungo National Park, New South Wales. What was a sealed road is now dust. Which means  says Clarke, from the Paakantyi tribe  you have to plant the boot.

He's in two minds about the new marina and casino they're building in Mildura, northwest Victoria, where we're being put up on a houseboat for the next few days. And about the new subdivisions going up around it. "I'd never build a house where those trees grow," Clarke says, pointing to some brushy plants. "They only grow in flood plains."

And then there's the termites.

And the big wineries, where they crush all manner of beasts  frogs, mice, bearded dragons  in with the grapes. It's because they use mechanical pickers, apparently.

"That's why I always buy wine from a boutique winery now," says Clarke. "I don't even care if they crush them with their feet ... at least they pick the grapes by hand."

He reckons the place is looking pretty lush. And there I was thinking it looked like years of overgrazing and neglect.

Mungo National Park is at the centre of the Willandra Lakes World Heritage area in southwestern New South Wales. Considered one of Australia's "seven natural wonders", Mungo covers 2400 square kilometres of dry lakebed. It is the site of the world's oldest recorded cremation, and where the remains of Mungo Woman and Mungo Man  estimated to be between 40,000 and 60,000 years old  were found.

The area was home to wildlife including giant kangaroos and wombats, massive goannas and Tasmanian tigers, the skeletal remains of which are still being excavated today. Aboriginal tribes (you can still see fossilised footprints) camped and fished along the lake's shores.

The landscape is spectacular, with centuries of windswept sediment forming the Great Walls of China, a 33-kilometre outcrop of fragile dunes which change from dull browns and greens to stunning oranges and reds at sunset.

Clarke draws diagrams in the sand to explain the natural climatic cycles. He's scathing of some of the science around global warming, and disputes the timelines the "experts" espouse, arguing they're at least 6000 years out with their estimate that the lake disappeared 15,000 years ago.

"It's more like 9000," he says. "Twenty-five years ago we would have been walking through a high crevice here, but I'm not sad to see [the landscape] change. It's going through a 100-year cycle, and it's a natural cycle."

Back at the park's information centre, Clarke entertains us with a didgeridoo solo before shooing us off to have a wander around the site's historic woolshed (built by Chinese labourers in 1869).

Eight hours after he picks us up, Clarke drops us at the houseboat.

It's a monster  think floating hotel  and today we're getting the chance to drive it.

Owner Chris Durban, who cooked us a welcoming dinner and stocked the fridge with enough food for a fortnight, is looking pensive. I'm guessing it's because he's just had to explain the workings of the thing to four women, a couple of whom would prefer drinking Champagne in the top deck spa pool to steering this beast 14km up a river. I'm up for the challenge.

He explains river etiquette, and the sonar thingy, and once he's backed out of the berth, we're in business.

It's not grand prix, it's holidaying at leisure.

Dust and rivers

The Murray, at 2765km long, is the world's third-longest navigable river after the Amazon and the Nile. It crosses three states. Mildura, where Durban's houseboat business is based, is at the confluence of the Murray and Darling rivers on the border of Victoria and New South Wales, 400km east of Adelaide.

Piloting a houseboat is soporific. The only obstacles are low-lying branches, a couple of youngsters waterskiing, and a very large bridge, which Durban delights in telling us has been rammed  by a woman.

This is a brilliant way to travel, with wildlife sanctuaries, wineries, cafes and golf courses dotted along the river.

Our boat is the very flash Casa del Rio  four bedrooms, two ensuites, two lounges, a bar, kitchen, plasma TVs (yes, plural) and a surround sound system.

That's the lower deck. Outside, there's a gourmet barbecue, rooftop dining area and jacuzzi.

Durban, a former chef, moved to Mildura just over 10 years ago after he and his wife and business partner, Marina, happened on it during a holiday looking for some sun. "We found Mildura and never left."

And as we meander up the Murray, watching swallows and kites, and sipping bubbly, we can understand why.+10The Durbans' houseboat starts from A$700 (NZ$863) for three nights. See willandrahouseboats.com.au. Mungo National Park tours (picnic lunch included) from A$150. Day tours run April to October; sunset tours November to March; harrynanyatours.com.au. Julie Jacobson travelled courtesy of Tourism Victoria and Qantas.

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