Cruising all about the fun

Travel writer Paul Rush finds full-on fun and games on his first Polynesian cruise.

A brilliant orange glow on the horizon heralds the dawn of another glorious day on the Pacific Ocean.

A faint crescent moon is still hanging in the sky. A million twinkling stars are losing their needle-sharp brightness as the rising sun chases them from the sky.

The vast bulk of the Pacific is swishing past the hull of the stately cruise liner Pacific Sun, in a maelstrom of white foam that swirls into a wake of blue, black and turquoise water.

I have come on deck for a brisk walk to see the great ship come alive.

The first sign of human activity on board is a neatly dressed deck attendant, in white polo shirt and drill pants, arranging the blue and white deckchairs in orderly rows.

Passengers begin to appear as shadowy figures huddled in corners and standing at the rail in the gathering light.

My early morning walk is giving me an appetite. I'm not at all concerned about this. On a seaborne holiday, food – in almost inexhaustible quantities and infinite variety – is instantly available around the clock.

That's the beauty of cruising. It caters for all tastes and provides everything an ardent vacationer could need in one convenient location. There are five quality restaurants on board, 50 social activities and nightly cabaret shows enticing passengers to join in. You can do it all or do nothing at all – the choice is yours.

A typical day's fun begins with a musical wakeup call along the lines of We're cruisin' in sunshine and everything is alright.

Cruise director Sandy Cadwallader encourages his passengers to meet new people, which is a breeze with no less than 1800 fun-seeking punters on board.

Sandy especially asks us to make donations in the casino, patronise the five-star Steakhouse and shed excess kilos at the high intensity Boot Camp. He gleefully tells us great movies will be screened during the cruise, emphasising titles like The Poseidon Adventure, The Perfect Storm and Titanic. I wonder whether he's a masochist or a comedian.

Tripping the light fantastic like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers on the ballroom dance floor is specially popular on this cruise. The country and western hoe down is a riot of finger clicking, thigh-slapping, boot-scooting fun for anyone who can stand the frenetic pace.

At the rock 'n' roll party, some passengers are invited to don a sparkling showtime costume, cradle a guitar and impersonate The King. It's a real hoot.

No encouragement is needed to get passengers to join Ailsa, the onboard craft goddess, in card stitching and general arts and crafts activities. Quilling, creating artificial flowers and making earrings prove popular, along with card games such as bridge, 500 and euchre. Sports and general knowledge quizzes attract a lot of interest as well as the Pictionary, Scrabble and speed Sudoku challenges.

Circus performers Laura and Chris run interactive classes in juggling, hula hoops, diablo sticks and poi strings and out on deck are games of shuffleboard, deck quoits and water volleyball.

There are get-together groups for service club members, past merchant mariners, couples married 50 years or more, plus grandma bragging parties and singles mingles for solo travellers.

The night shows are a huge success and include the professional Pacific Sun Entertainers, the hilarious Anything Goes Pub Night and the International Crew Show. They all play to full houses with lively singing and dancing to upbeat music. The chef's culinary demonstration on stage is amusing and informative. Sit Down Comedy Club routines are a rolling-in-the-aisles success.

Pacific Sun Horse Racing is a riot, with passengers buying colourful wooden horses and jockeying them for a $500 prize in the final.

The day we cross the international dateline on our return voyage becomes The Day That Never Was. Those who missed their birthday just grin and bear it. At least by missing out they haven't aged this year.

The Pacific Daily news sheet whimsically produces a programme for the non-existent day. It includes non-stop dining all day, which isn't actually too far removed from reality. There's a galley tour for those prepared to wash pots and pans and the cocktail of the day is Mexican Roadrunner; half tequila and half prune juice.

An early morning video will show passengers How to Make Your Own Bed. The Casino is closed due to lack of donations but there will be a Learn How To Bluff poker course and a Russian roulette challenge. Free drinks are offered to seniors if they are accompanied by their parents.

We enjoy the captain's dry humour at his interview at the cocktail party for the 500 regular cruisers on board.

Salvatore Lupo explains that he comes from the Mafia capital of the world, Palermo in Sicily. He loves his job and says: "I have a great life on the ship, even better than you passengers because I get paid."

Asked if he had a family background of service at sea, he replies: "Well my parents came back from their honeymoon on a ferry." When questioned whether his wife can live on board with him, he says "Yes the company gives me that privilege but I keep forgetting to tell her about it."

On the final day of our fun-filled cruise, Sandy outlines the procedure for disembarkation.

"Remember when you pack to leave out the clothes you plan to wear off the ship.

"When you complete the cruise appraisal forms please remember that your cruise director never used any four letter words, so try not to tick any boxes that say poor or fair."

It's almost impossible to take a cruise and not have fun because that's the primary purpose of everyone on board, from the oldest veteran to the youngest first-timer.

FACT FILE

• P&O offers cruises to the South Pacific, Queensland and Asia from Sydney, Brisbane and Auckland.
• The local fleet comprises the Pacific Sun, Pacific Diamond and the Pacific Dawn, which at 70,000 tons, is the largest and most modern cruise ship ever to be based in Australasia.
• These cruise ships are also among the fleet sailing visiting the Southland coast, including Milford Sound, this month.

- © Fairfax NZ News