Rob's rant - The Block
What: The Block
When: 7.30pm Wednesdays and Thursdays
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All we need is a few grand cash up front for some broken-down properties, and a few bits and pieces for renovations. Ten weeks of 16-hour-a-day labour by a team of eight will be thrown in almost for free, and companies like Mazda and Bunnings are chucking plenty of cash in the pot for prizemoney if we give them some shameless product placement. We'll give the winners a bit of prizemoney, auction the flash new houses and BOOM, you've got a five-fold increase on your investment.
The reason New Zealand-based reality shows are terrible is because we're understated people. The first task the four teams have is to find their vehicle, parked somewhere nearby. Instead of meltdowns and fist fights, contestants jog around and enthusiastically high five each other. One couple – Rachel and Tyson from Wellington – who talk about how competitive they are at the start of the programme, amble round Auckland's viaduct laughing about how unfit they are. If this was the United States they would have filed for divorce and spent the rest of the time plotting a DIY "accident" for each other.
Ginny and Rhys, from the Naki, have potential to be entertaining/murderous, purely by the fact she nags and he's a meathead. The Hamilton couple – Sarah and Richard – represent our fine region perfectly, being overly enthusiastic and slightly trashy.
There's some ultra-competitive brother and sister to complete the lineup but they're instantly forgettable. As is smarmy host Mark Richardson.
The Block meets all expectations. I'll watch it next week and the week after, and I'll hate it again and again.