How to be a Canadian

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Want to become a real Canadian? Apparently it's not that hard. A pamphlet titled "A Guide to Becoming an Authentic Canadian" is being distributed at an information kiosk not far from the Olympic cauldron on the Vancouver waterfront.

You can read the whole thing in five minutes.

Step 1: "Know Your Canadian Icons." Beaver, maple leaf, Canada goose, moose, bears, Mounties, toques, loonies and toonies. Toque? That's a wooly hat, pronounced "too-k." Loonie? A one dollar coin, so nicknamed because it has a swimming loon on one side of it. Toonie? A two dollar coin, which features a polar bear. "Toonie just sounds better than Polar Bearie," says the pamphlet.

Step 2: "Eat and Drink Like a Canadian." Salmon, donut holes, Canadian bacon, lobster, maple syrup, beer and poutine. Poutine? It "sounds terrible, looks worse, but tastes delicious," the pamphlet reads. It is made with fries, cheese curds and gravy. Yum, maybe.

Step 3: "Walk and Talk Like a Canadian." We learn that "eh" can be used as a statement, direction or question. And, of course, "zed" is the last letter of the alphabet.

Step 4: "Play Like a Canadian." Ice hockey. Say no more.

Step 5: "Know the Maple Leaf." We're told the familiar Canadian flag did not become official until 1965 because Canadians "were too busy eating poutine and watching hockey to get to it any sooner."

Step 6: "Learn Our National Anthem." Words in both English and French!

Step 7: A quick quiz in which we learn that the number of points on the maple leaf signifies absolutely nothing.

Step 8: Print my name in the blank, and I'm now "somewhat officially authentically Canadian." Cool, eh? Pass the poutine!

- AP