A United States man has used his own obituary to confess all his secrets - he didn't really have a PhD, he stole a safe in 1971 and he was on the "banned for life" lists at Disneyland and SeaWorld.

Val Patterson, who died from throat cancer at the age of 59 on July 10, wrote his own obituary for the Salt Lake Tribune, also revealing the secrets to living a good life.

"[I] traveled to every place on earth that I ever wanted to go. Had every job that I wanted to have. Learned all that I wanted to learn. Fixed everything I wanted to fix. Eaten everything I wanted to eat," Mr Patterson wrote.

"My life motto was: "Anything for a Laugh". Other mottos were "If you can break it, I can fix it", "Don't apply for a job, create one"."

Mr Patterson, who described himself as a "true scientist", wrote that he had confessions he needed to make.

"As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971.

"I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest.

"Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the [University of Utah], the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail.

"I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters "PhD" even stood for.

"For all of the electronic engineers I have worked with, I'm sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work.

"Now, to that really mean park ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it.

"I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again.

"To Disneyland - you can now throw away that "banned for life" file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this."

Mr Patterson said he loved his wife Mary Jane "more than I have words to express" and that every moment spent with her was "time spent wisely".

"My regret is that I felt invincible when young and smoked cigarettes when I knew they were bad for me.

"Now, to make it worse, I have robbed my beloved Mary Jane of a decade or more of the two of us growing old together and laughing at all the thousands of simple things that we have come to enjoy and fill our lives with such happy words and moments.

"My pain is enormous, but it pales in comparison to watching my wife feel my pain as she lovingly cares for and comforts me. I feel such the "thief" now - for stealing so much from her - there is no pill I can take to erase that pain."

He asked his family not to have a funeral or burial for him.

"If you knew me, remember me in your own way. If you want to live forever, then don't stop breathing, like I did."

- Sydney Morning Herald