Beats Me

Tommy Ill is a charming young fellow who happens to make a lot of rap music. When he's not rapping, Tom also enjoys cleaning up the messes his cat leaves behind and riding in aeroplanes. His new album Matchsticks is out now.

My blog is moving...

03:38pm 15 Jul 2009 18 comments

Hey folks,

The time has come for me to move on from blogging on I'm a bit too controversial sometimes, which frustrates our poor opinion editor to no end, and is also frustrating for myself because often times I'm not allowed to say things that I'd like to say. I like to say lots of horrible, horrible things though, so I think it's fair enough that I'm censored a lot of the time.

Anyway, as much as I will miss blogging on, and the large and diverse audience it has given me, I'm proud to announce that I have launched a new website. I'll be blogging there daily and you can download a whole bunch of my music there for free if that's what your into. Add to your bookmarks, and tell a sexy friend about it.

Thanks for reading - see you in the comments on my new site, maybe? Please?

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Now I have to go into quarantine too

12:16pm 12 Jun 2009 14 comments

Oh man, I have just been told that I have to stay at home because I might have the dreaded SARS virus. SARS is an evil mutant virus that comes from pigs which have been coughed on by a chicken with a cold.


I recently spent a week on a pig farm, eating lots of pigs. This may have been a bad decision, but at the time I was too busy having fun and eating pigs to notice. I ate so many pigs. I am so full. I had a pig sandwich, and I substituted the bread for more pig. It was a pig between two pigs. It was very delicious. I was happy, covered in mud and pigs blood, and very, very satisfied. If only I had know what was to come.

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Totally buying David Bain autotune

11:29am 08 Jun 2009 8 comments

He may not be guilty of murder but he is guilty of stealing our hearts.

I was at this party the other night and David Bain was there. It was a pretty good party and we were all a little tipsy. We started playing I have never, and it was all going well and we were having a good laugh until someone said “I have never killed my entire family” and then everyone stared at David to see if he would drink. He looked upset and got up and left and the party was awkward for about 15 minutes and then we decided to play A Ship Came into the Harbour instead.

Also, David Bain and I have been working together on music, I’m helping him produce his new album.



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Dog surprise!

11:56am 04 Jun 2009 11 comments

carlosI had quite a late night last night – we did another Crack Wednesday at Mighty Mighty, which as always was a lot of fun. I woke up this morning and found this weird dog in my house. I did not have a dog yesterday, but I do today! He was just sitting there under the table being all sleepy and awesome. I’m not sure how he got into my house but he’s totally adorable and I intend to look after him the best I can.

I have named him Carlos María de los Dolores Juan Isidro José Francisco Quirin Antonio Miguel Gabriel Rafael de Borbón y Austria-Este, Duke of Madrid. I usually just call him Carlos Duke of Madrid. He hasn’t learnt his name yet because I only just found him this morning and then I had to come to work and write this blog.

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Exclusive Chris Brown interview!

04:06pm 28 May 2009 6 comments

I wanted to be a proper journalist and get the scoop on what’s up with pop star and alleged lady-breaker Chris Brown, so I went on Facebook and added him so we could have a chat.

I had a hard time trying to find him - there’s a lot of other Chris Browns out there, but I’m pretty sure this is the real Chris Brown because he has the right picture next to his name. We got to talking and golly, he sure is an interesting guy! Here’s the interview...


Thanks for your time, person on Facebook who might be Chris Brown!

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