Private eye explains how to spot a cheating partner

Just as many women have affairs as men do, but woman are far more calculating and cunning about how they have affairs ...

Just as many women have affairs as men do, but woman are far more calculating and cunning about how they have affairs than men.

Men are much less likely to notice their partner is cheating on them and women are better at covering up affairs, according to Auckland private investigator Julia Hartley Moore.

During her 21 years as a PI, Moore has found just as many women cheat as men. The difference is women are better at not getting caught. 

"Women are far more calculating and cunning about how they have affairs than men. Men are often a little late at latching onto the signs."

Private investigator Julia Hartley Moore says men need to sharpen up on the signs of infidelity if they don't want to be ...

Private investigator Julia Hartley Moore says men need to sharpen up on the signs of infidelity if they don't want to be walked over.

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If men don't want to be walked over they "need to learn to trust their gut and see the signs", she says. A woman's intuition tends to be stronger, but they can also miss the indicators as they are too "bombarded with children and work".

Moore says if a person notices a number of these little changes in their partners behaviour they should "step back and assess if it's just their imagination or something more".

"It's not just one sign on its own, but a combination of these little changes that can point towards an affair."

MOORE'S INFIDELITY WARNING SIGNS:

* Think affairs happen during the evening, you'd be wrong. Married people are typically home with each other at night, if that suddenly changed it would raise too many red flags. The majority of married people will conduct their affairs in the morning, before work. Commonly heard excuses are either they've joined the gym and are going to early morning classes or they're starting work early.

* Surprisingly, cheaters will frequently talk about their new partner with their husband or wife. Obviously it won't be about their affair, but they might make a benign or even derogatory comment about the person. It's a tactic to lead their spouse off the scent. 

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* Women will withdraw from their partner sexually when they've got a lover. 

* On the other hand, when a man is having an affair his sexuality is heightened. Men will actually want more sex from their wife if they've got another woman on the side. An active sex life often fools wives into thinking their marriage is peachy when really it's anything but. 

* One of the first things a woman who has started an affair will do is buy new lingerie. If a husband notices lingerie in their wife's wardrobe, but hasn't seen her wear it, it could be an indicator of infidelity. 

* Similarly when men are having an affair they'll be more concerned about their looks. It's particularly noticeable when men, who don't take pride in their appearance, suddenly start preening.

* Cell phone suddenly guarded like it contains the launch codes for a nuclear strike? If it never leaves their side, hidden from view or if they leave the room to take a call, that's a worry. Sure, we're all attached to our phones, but if it becomes excessive, it's a red flag. 

* Haven't seen a bank or credit card statements in the mail box lately? That's probably because your other half has been treating their new fling and are covering up the evidence. 

IF YOU'RE SUSPICIOUS:

* Check the car or the garage for a second cell phone.

* Examine bank and credit card statements for unusual spending.

 - Stuff

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