To blur or not to blur? The latest social media dilemma for parents

OK, I'll kick open this debate, draw a white line down the middle of the room and ask you to pick a side: social media photos of kids – to blur faces or not?

The reason I ask is because the latest trend from gushing parents on my social media feed is beautiful babies with blurred faces or little love hearts drawn over the top of them. And this is from friends and family, not public profiles.

It is driving me crazy, and after many discussions over dinner tables, seems to not only be driving others crazy, but leaving many of us asking the same question: why are these photos being shared at all?

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In an age of digital kidnapping I am more than respectful of parents who choose not to post any photos at all of their children, on public or private profiles.

On my own public profiles, I try to keep the identities of my two boys somewhat concealed; on my private profiles, however, there my boys are, beaming and being their crazy selves.

And isn't that the whole point? Social media is used to keep family and friends connected, in a way that makes us feel that distance and time no longer matter. With this latest trend to blur or mask the identity of these babies and children I cannot help but ask, why post any photos at all?

"I want to respect the privacy of my baby, and at three months old I can't exactly ask for her permission to post them," says new mum Katherine.

The only photos Katherine uploads on social media of her daughter are all either with intentionally blurred faces, or taken in a way that her daughter's identity is indistinguishable.

"I still want our family and friends to be connected to her as she grows up, but you just never know who is seeing these photos – or worse still, what they could do with them," she says.

Katherine is adamant that she won't be changing her social media habits soon. "Even with locked-down privacy settings I just don't trust [social media], so until that changes the photos of my daughter will be cute, but blurred."

Clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack points out that from a psychological perspective we engage through faces – after all, that is why we talk about the eyes being the windows to the soul.

"The only reason you would want to look at a baby photo is because it is a baby that you love and the facial features are what we connect with," she says.

"If you are doing it to share your child, then you are taking away the one thing we identify with. Facial features are what make a child endearing and our emotional connection is actually taken away when you take away their face."

For the parents who are afraid of digital kidnapping, McCormack says the answer is simple: "Don't put your kids photo on social media at all."

It's something mum Lisa has struggled with. "When my son was first born I didn't feel like 'sharing' him with the world. For nearly the entire first year of his life I only shared photos of him through text messages with my nearest and dearest. Now that he's older I'm more than happy to share the occasional social media photo."

Lisa's social media feed is also victim to the blurred photos of her friend's babies. "My issue with obscured pictures is that it invites unwanted interest, and I think the curiosity of onlookers can generate a negative energy towards the baby and the household. That's why I refrained from public photos completely until I felt 100 per cent ready and comfortable to share with the world at large."

That's something Marita, another mum who sees the obscured photos, agrees with.

"If you do not wish to post photos of your child, then I totally support that. However, by continuing to post photos and blurring out faces, I believe brings much more attention to the photo, and not always the good kind. When I see blurred photos I automatically question if there is something they are trying to hide – is the child sick, why are they hiding their face from me?"

"I actually feel insulted and I personally choose not to engage with any of those posts."

While blurred photos of celebrity babies or of children who are not your own are more than OK, it seems these blurred faces of the ones we love most has left social media users wondering why.

Nevertheless, social media is there to be used with individual discretion, despite what other's may think. For those parents wanting to be a little savvier and practice safe social media sharing, while still showing the faces of their beautiful babies, make sure to:

- lock down your privacy settings
- switch off and disable location settings
- cull through your friends and family list on social media – only keep the ones you associate with and trust.

There are also many alternatives to sharing photos on social media, including:

- private text messages
- private social media messages
- a closed Facebook group
- email
- good old fashioned printed photographs.

Josefa Pete is a writer and mother to two boys. You can follow her on Facebook or read her blog.