Why Pua Magasiva's widow Lizz Sadler broke 'cycle of silence' to out his abuse

After suffering a terrible cycle of beatings and coercion by actor husband Pua Magasiva in silence, Lizz Sadler found her voice in a heart-rending letter to a court, pleading for a ban on naming him to be lifted.

The letter marked a dramatic and moving turnaround for Sadler, who before her husband's death from suspected suicide had agreed to fight alongside him to keep his conviction for domestic violence from becoming public knowledge.

Published as part of Judge Pippa Sinclair's decision to lift Magasiva's name suppression, which lapsed at 12.01am on 18 December, the letter paints a searingly honest picture of unchecked physical and emotional abuse.

Magasiva was arrested in June 2018 when Sadler told police he had spat in her face, dragged her by the neck and put her in a headlock after coming home drunk from a night out. He initially told police Sadler had attacked him - a move the sentencing judge later described as "the mark of cowardice" - but changed his plea to guilty in November last year.

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Sadler told the court that throughout the case, Magasiva had been "incredibly worried" about losing his acting career. Desperate to keep his name secret, he convinced his wife to support a ban on naming him, even making preparations to go to the High Court to seek permanent name suppression.

"I pursued this to protect my husband's career and particularly because he was still drinking and I was terrified his anger would return," she writes.

The letter rings with regret and grief, as Sadler wonders whether speaking out sooner might have saved her husband's life.

"Now it is very evident that if I had told the truth in the first place and not been silenced then, Pua may have gotten the help that he needed and I could have had a voice.

"The lies and pressure to maintain his image has placed me under immense stress and placed me at further risk of his violence," Sadler writes.

That risk became reality, on May 11 this year - just two weeks after Magasiva was sentenced - with another night of violence.

"The night of my husband's passing, his drinking and anger had returned - it ended with me in hospital and him taking his life.

"The trauma from these events and losing my husband is going to be with me for the rest of my life. If I didn't have to keep silent then I could have begun the process of working through my grief, trauma, and anxiety."

Sadler, who married Magasiva in 2018, touches on the impossible choices victims of domestic violence often face.

"I think domestic violence is something people are afraid to talk about, certainly I was as I hid this our whole relationship - endless excuses and lies had taken a toll on my mental wellbeing," she writes.

"Only when a stranger found me after the assault last year did I go to the police. I blamed myself because he blamed me and I did everything in my power to protect and lie for him but now I have the chance to be heard and speak my truth."

One of those lies is recorded in the decision released by Judge Claire Ryan on April 26, when Magasiva was sentenced. Talking about name suppression, Judge Ryan notes Lizz Sadler told the court her young daughter was "unaware of what took place" and would be very upset if she found out.

But in her letter, Sadler admits her daughter was in fact witness to Magasiva's violence, and she now wanted to "show her that this is not okay."

She calls for "this continuous cycle of silence" to stop, pleading with the judge for the chance to speak truthfully about the past few years of her life.

"I do not want anyone to be hurt and do not want to dishonour Pua's memory, but I also do not want to be revictimised by being forced to hold the truth alone in silence.

"I'm still healing from this offending behaviour and his death, which occurred after a night of anger and further assault. This is my pain, this is my truth and I need to have the ability to speak freely in order to get through this.

"I cannot do this in silence. I ask please that the silence end."

WHERE TO GET HELP:

Women's Refuge: Call the Crisisline on 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843; Visit womensrefuge.org.nz/
Shine: Call the helpline on 0508 744 633; Visit 2shine.org.nz.
It's Not OK: Call 0800 456 450; Visit areyouok.org.nz/
If it is an emergency or you, or someone you know, is at risk call 111.

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