Nadine Higgins: Our Kiwi newsmakers should learn the art of Trump truth

CNN commentator Kayleigh McEnany has left the network for a hosting gig on Trump TV. Could our own politicians learn a ...
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CNN commentator Kayleigh McEnany has left the network for a hosting gig on Trump TV. Could our own politicians learn a few things from the president's latest venture?

OPINION: In his most inspired move yet to combat the "fake news" media, US President Donald Trump this week launched his own "real news" channel, complete with its own ex-CNN anchor.

This week has probably left our politicians wondering why they didn't think of that. But don't worry, this ex-TVNZ anchor has not earnestly intoned news – real or fake – for some time now and I think I can help, if you just give me a moment to backcomb my bob and powder my nose.

(Presenter To Camera)

Nadine Higgins is one of eight grandchildren to her 96-year-old grandmother.

Nadine Higgins is one of eight grandchildren to her 96-year-old grandmother.

You're watching Green Party News, brought to you by 100 per cent vegan soysages. Like meat, but not meat.

In this update, Metiria Turei hits back at the Fake News media's intrusions in her very private, private life which she never made public for political gain.

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Metiria Turei says she's not sorry and won't resign because .. oh no, sorry, this just in – Metiria Turei is not sorry, but has resigned. Are you happy now Patrick Gower? Sad.

After the break, why the two sad losers who The Green Party didn't want anyway won't be coming back…

And why now solo-Leader James Shaw would like RNZ's Guyon Espiner to shush a bit more and let him answer the damn question.

We'll be right back after this message from our sponsors, the hungry and poor of Aotearoa.

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(Fade to black)

Over on Delivering for New Zealanders National Network News, a montage of farmers farming, rowers rowing and happy children is playing on loop.

(Presenter Voice Over)

Today, in the 100 per cent pure, clean, green country of New Zealand, the prime minister has just posted one of his legendary Facebook videos – take a look. Today he appears to be doing a little clean up around the office, deleting a few text messages, forgetting a few memories. What a tidy Kiwi. Also making news today, no one who works hard and pulls themselves up by their boot straps is hungry or homeless. The rivers are 'pretty clean' and by the way the music we're playing right now is 'pretty legal'. Move to New Zealand, our houses aren't cheap, but you're welcome to buy them because our workers are lazy or stoned so we need you. More news next hour.

(An urgent breaking news alert comes over the radio. Di-di-di-di-di-di-diiiii)

You're listening to Little's Long Gone FM, in news just to hand, the Jacindamaniacs cheer squad is meeting on parliament's forecourt in half an hour.

Could Patrick Gower please bring the pom poms Gerry Brownlee sent him, we need to update the colour scheme before taking you through the warmup.

Reporting the Real News, I'm Nadine Higg….

A man in a double-breasted suit, smelling vaguely of whiskey and cigarettes, storms the studio.

I'll take it from here, thank you. Welcome to an Intimate Hour with the Kingmaker. Now, about these completely egregious fake news polls…

 - Sunday Star Times

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